Integrity is what you do when the lights are off and nobody can see what you are doing. As followers of Christ we have to bring our actions in public in line with our actions in private. Many people see Christians as a bunch of hypocrites. Sadly enough, many times they’re right. In Psalm 101 King David talks about living a life of integrity, a blameless life (v.2 NLT):
I will be careful to live a blameless life—
when will you come to help me?
I will lead a life of integrity
in my own home.
So where was the place for David to begin living a blameless life? It was in his home! You might put on a nice mask on Sunday mornings, but your spouse and children know the real you. They see how you respond to difficulty. They know what books you are reading, and what shows you are watching. They hear your unpolished language.
If our right living get thrown out the window the moment we step inside our homes or into our cars, we have a serious issue in the area of integrity. Now what do we need to do if we want to live that life of integrity, a blameless life that is pleasing to God?
1) Ask God to help you
In verse 2 David said: “I will be careful to live a blameless life – when will you come to help me?” David went back to the source. God is the one who could help him lead this blameless life. So the first key towards living a life of integrity is to ask God to help us. Now how do we do that? By submitting our lives to God in prayer! When we pray and ask God to help us, we open our lives to the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out, not only when people can see us, but also at home.
The apostle Paul said: “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16 NASB). There is a cause-and-effect relationship here. When we focus on walking by the Spirit, we automatically will no longer do things according to our sinful nature. You don’t focus your attention on those desires anymore and don’t spend time nurturing them. Instead, the Holy Spirit will produce this kind of fruit: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal.5:22).
So: the first step is asking God to help us live a life of integrity!
2) Watch out for stuff that influences you negatively
In verses 3-5 and 7-8 David gives a lot of attention to the kind of people he does not want to hang out with anymore. He hates “all who deal crookedly,” does not “tolerate people who slander their neighbors,” and “will not allow deceivers to serve” him. He didn’t want his life to be influenced negatively by these people.
You might say: “How can I ever share the Gospel with those people if I am not allowed to spend time with them?” Good point. We do live in a new day. I guess the questions we all need to ask ourselves is: “Who influences who?” If they do not influence you, but you are able to influence them in a positive way, I guess there is no reason to not spend time with them. But if they pull you back into the lifestyle you lived before you came to know Christ, it’s probably better to stay away from them… at least for a while.
So… watch out for people who influence you negatively… don’t let them pull you back into gossip, sexual immorality, bitterness, alcohol or drug addictions. But David also said: “I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar… I will reject perverse ideas” (v.3-4). I think if David would live today, that he would immediately surf away from a pornographic page on the internet. And if the TV would start showing sensual images, he would zap.
Let’s do the same thing and avoid those kinds of temptations! Instead, let’s fix our thoughts (and eyes!) on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise! (cf. Phil.4:8).
So: the second key to living a life of integrity is that we need to be careful with people and things that influence us negatively and pull us away from our relationship with God.
3) Surround yourself with positive people who hold you accountable
You might think that I am really legalistic after reading the previous point… Well, I am not. These were David’s words. He has a strong point there, though! However, he does not only suggest a couple of things that we should NOT do. He also gives some great positive direction.
The first positive directive was that we need to ask God to help us live lives of integrity. We already saw that. The second positive directive can be found in verse 6: “I will search for faithful people to be my companions. Only those who are above reproach will be allowed to serve me.”
When we want to live a life of integrity, the last thing we should do is isolate ourselves. Other followers of Christ are not perfect. Neither are you. Only by the grace of God we can work towards a closer walk with our Lord and Savior. We should strive to be more and more like Him every day. So: we need to surround ourselves with faithful, positive people who hold us accountable, so that when we stumble we have a lifeline to help pick us back up.
When we live in community… when we surround ourselves with other faithful people, we can learn from each others’ mistakes and gain support from those around us. We can weed out the things that tempt us or try to lead us down the wrong path and help each other to stay on the right path.
Now how do you find those faithful, positive people who will help you lead that blameless life? What are the characteristics of healthy friendships? What do we need to look for in a friend who will encourage us to live blameless and in integrity? Here are a few characteristics that you should look for:
- True friends love sacrificially (remember what Jesus has done for you!)
- True friends accept unconditionally.
- True friends trust completely.
- True friends keep healthy boundaries.
- True friends give mutual edification (they will also say the things you need to hear, but don’t want to hear!)
Iron sharpens iron
On your quest for integrity, remember that you need to ask God to help you, be careful with negative influences and look for friends who hold you accountable. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” This is as true today as ever! So if you are part of Thousand Hills, be sure to look for those friends, maybe in your Life Group, Alpha Course group, ministry or service team, or anywhere! You need it! They need it!
This blog post is based on a message I preached at Thousand Hills Hilversum on August 22, 2010. Below is the full sermon video:
Living a Life of Integrity (“The Pretenders” series) from Thousand Hills Int'l Church on Vimeo.